Angel

It has been four days since we said good-bye to our sweet, old dog, Samwise. He was diagnosed with cancer about a month ago, and though they thought he would have about 6 months left, things went sideways this time last week and quickly spiraled.

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Intersections

It’s funny how small steps can accumulate and lead to bigger things.

We don’t always know where we are going when we take the first step, but years later we can look back and see that we were on a journey the entire time, we just didn’t realize our own destination.

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Pearl

They say the best way to learn something is to teach it.

I teach grief. I already knew the language fairly well, but I learned to speak it fluently when going through the loss of my brother, and in that fluidity I took my words, wrote a book, and have been an author and voice on grief since.

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The Field

Every field and flower fades, but love is infinite. – – Melanie Chisholm

We found out today our sweet old dog, Sam, has cancer.

A beautiful morning at the beach where he laid by the ocean and sunned himself turned into a nightmare of a seizure just an hour later on the car ride home turned into rushing to the vet turned into cancer.

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Revolving Door

Change is the way of life. I try and stay open to it and let myself unform and flow and let go, though it’s not always easy and sometimes resistance creeps in at unexpected times in unexpected ways.

Our upstairs neighbors moved yesterday- we rent the downstairs of a giant home up in the hills of Kauai and they rented the upstairs.

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Don’t Look Back

These days, these days right now- they are our better days. I know it doesn’t always feel like it. I know that betimes it’s very difficult to find the good and to find the gifts.

I know that, and I often live that difficulty, relieved to fall asleep at night and simply be done with the day when something’s been particularly hard.

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Following the Flow

I just lost a power struggle with a bunch of mosquitoes while sitting out on the lanai trying to write.

They started biting, I resisted; they kept biting, I persisted; and then I realized my foot was itching with a good number of fresh bites, so I threw in the towel and bid a hasty retreat indoors.

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“A Real Writer”

“And I want to hug you into me, bury you in the only place where I know you’ll be safe, so I can birth you out in every word and breath and love and beat, as long as you’re There and I’m Here. Keep you alive on my fireweed breeze.”
-Fireweed Breeze from Lamentations of The Sea

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Soul Lessons

March marks 9 months on the island of Kauai. I have visceral feels and a felt-sense of this time last year, as this was the beginning of the end of life in Alaska and March-June were about to become these mad months of good-byes, letting go’s, and the exhaustive tasks of selling the house, closing my practice, and taking care of the tangible steps needed to move. I tire even thinking of it now.

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